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We don’t just embrace insanity here. We feel it up, French kiss it…

And buy it a drink.

-Anonymous

What to expect here…

I started this blog for myself over a year ago. To try and write out the chaos in my brain. And I never expected to still be writing in it now. Not because I don’t like to write, but because I have a habit of not staying with things. Something is great, until it’s not and then typically it’s out of sight out of mind.

I don’t always remember to come write. Or need to. And sometimes I need to write every day or multiple times a day. But I keep coming back and it blows my mind that so many people would have an interest in me and what comes out of my brain.

I’m Az. I have borderline personality disorder, bipolar disorder, anxiety, vertigo, visual snow and chronic pain. I’m a fat, 420 content creator that loves everything horror and Alice in Wonderland. I have two cats that drive me batshit, but I couldn’t do without.

I have not shown this blog to many in my life (though I’m often tempted to just share it and say fuck it, let’s see what happens). And I’m pretty sure anyone I did show it to never actually came and read anything. But either way, it’s for me. The things that come out of my head here may not be pretty. They may trigger people. They may make you go “what the fuck is wrong with her.” And that’s okay. Nothing I write here is untrue unless I say I know it’s lies in my head.. it’s all true. I don’t see a point in lying about things, especially when it’s me writing out my brain to understand things.

That said, I’m not always right. I react badly. I feel more than you will ever fathom (unless you have BPD). Even emptiness is an overwhelming feeling. I wouldn’t wish this on my worst enemy. But having the diagnosis (mine wasn’t until last year) has helped me immensely. Writing here has helped me immensely.

I don’t use names, but if you are someone I know then you may figure out a situation and the people in it or even recognize your own actions on here. I do not apologize for the things my brain does and how I write it out here. If you don’t like it that is not a me problem. I’m writing it how I experienced it. I’m writing how my brain saw it, felt it and reacted. I’m not saying that makes me right or wrong. It’s just how it is.

If you’ve made it this far and continue on to reading my blog.. welcome and thanks for visiting me. I hope something here helps you, inspires you, educates you or even just makes you think.

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